Wake up!!!

When you see people wasting their time and have to hold On yourself To dont scream "wake uuuuup, stupid!"

Aaaah, why people just realize The value of The moments When It's past?? And then, later, It's an infinity of "i've should done this, I've should said that, i've should hold more!" Aaaaaah

Blessed are those that recognize the meaning of what really feels and The importance of not caring about nothing else besides what you love!! Cause In The end, In The middle of All this shit, will be The only thing that really matters.

Madonna used to say, In a very silly song some years ago, "Poor Is The man which pleasure depends of another" And She was right. Don't trow over your needs And happiness To other hands, specially if You are anxious hahahahahaha, It's a trap this thing of being waiting for the other's awakening!

Aaand Still, in the end, all of this is just some kind of intern revolution!! Your lungs wants to scream to the four corners of the world! A scream of angry! Also a scream of satisfaction!!

"Aaaaaaaaah, i'm here!! I'm still breathing!!"

The point of madness, the edge beyond All the limits, and still, Your soul is quiet cause you crossed All the lines and know you can handle much more!!

Maybe this is the thing hahahahaha when the universe sent you all the signals and you reached a point When You dont care anymore hahahahaha cause you May Not know What You want for sure, but You know well What You dont want! Then You just keep!

... Sometimes I wish i was just weak, but i cant hahahaha i tried before. Give up was never an option. Change of mind yes, By the way for me It's a signal of wisdom When You just accept What You cant change and take other way, buuuuut, I have a veeery annoying bug in my heart, and this little guy keeps pushing me to my own ways and passions...

I Am sorry, I was never too Good In following rules or orders that doesn't comes from My heart.

Frisa Khalo used To say "dont worrie, I Am used To pain"... Well girl, Here We are! Hahahahahaha 

They say those things about strong people and blablabla, they survive, no matter what, and yes yes I Am One of those. But What they dont say is that strong people has also breaking points, get mad sometimes, and even not falling apart, sometimes We just trow off eeeeeverything To the space! With a huuge scream of "fuuuuck off All this shit!"

Yeah, yeah, I knoooow. It could sound desperate hahahaha But It's not. It's liberating to let It go the control! Just look at back all that happen and laught!

And You are suddenly taken by the gratitude of knowing That the cicles of life are perfect! Everything happens for a reason, and always brings what It has To come anyway. 

Paradoxal?? Hahahaha just dont try To understand!!

We can be veeery angry and mad with ourselves Hahahahah but also feeling gratefull for everything!

12 years ago o wrote a text that said something about Maybe this same feeling, And I remember the serenity of say "i wish now just One more cigarrete... A good glass of wine..." And more things about loving not only what could suit In The expectations, but much more. About the life being made of moments, if i wanted much more than just moments! Hahahahaha i was already passional.

Tonight, i kind of feel way more blessed than before, for being even more lost than before! "It's When you are most lost than You figure out the huge amount of possibilities That You have. Just look beyond!"

My beloved friend, talking with me 2 nights before, told me how beautiful was my way of loving people! I laught, shy of recognizing some weird of understanding of my wishes. "I've seen Your journey, and It's something beautiful to see, this endless way and inconditional way You have to love, just a few people are Like this nane, dont loose it! You have this capability of helping people That You even dont know! You put them In Your house, and You inspire them! And You are sooo loved! I've never seen Nooo One That crossed Your way That doesn't love You so much or That could forget you." That emotionated me. And i felt blessed. And She said more "All of this you have been through must be sure for a reason, cause if there is someone That deserves to be happy, is you my dear!" Aaaah, Thank You for the kind words and All my love In return for you.

And this is it

With screams of madness! And laughts of gratitude.

Wishing can only light a cigarrete In peace...

Being obligated to stop whiling the time is passing...

Freaking out with the things i cant change or for the things I need to wait (this unsuportable feeling of suspended life)...

Being able to understand And embrace the other's fears and stupidity, and still, loving them soooo much and accepting whatever they offer...

Impacient with the phisical pain on my leg that obligates me even more To be stopped hahahaha When All that I wanted was To cut off this shit and run on the rain!! But wait, there's no rain here.

Aaaah fellows, aaaah fellows.

What a Great opportunity is To pass through another "dark night of the soul", and be able To see and feel everything!

Loneliness is deninetely a blessing!

The inconstancy is the only sure! And tonight hahahaha sorry, as I said, I Am At That mad stage so I cant just accept wisely That I should not have expectations! Fuck All of this too!

Why All this revolution?? Aaaah, I dont know... Actually I know, but just dont wanna stuck thinking about it, It's wortless.

Probably Because today, I had a dream... And that huuuuuuuuge amount of transcendent love and happiness had To end up When I woke up cause my leg was hurting 😒 (the white and blue of the dress, the mess of the family organizing the garden for the intimate wedding, the smile of My father When He said "now It looks That You choose well! And I have a gift for you both!" And I remember of crying for realize That He cameback from the death To finally take his daughter on that situation. The flowers, the tickets of the next trip, aaaah, a whole night of messed feeling of happiness and anxiety. Beautiful)

Hahahaha I guess I woke up angry hahahahaha and complaining with my father "Thanks for the visit Dad, But It was a Very stupid dream. Stop with this!"

"Nane, On life We are just really strong When We admite That We are really weak! Admit Your failures and fears, then You are able to Live with them and not letting them to stop you" - yes daddy, I know.